A-head of Terror

Ok, we're on a momentum. Just sent info abt this blog to my list of family and friends. Perhaps, just perhaps, they'll really gain something from it and post a comment and or share it further. Clearly, a book of such unconventionally religious nature will never emerge by force of only one man's conviction...

In the meantime, here's an article I wrote a few years back which is very apt to this Parsha (Sabbath Torah reading). I don't know why the Jerusaelm Post never responded to my offering it as an editorial or opinion piece, but the poignancy of its all too believable background remains today more than ever.

בס"ד


A Chanukah letter to a brother


Kislev 5764 / 2003

~~~~~

Dear Avi,

It’s been about a year now since I’ve read the eulogy (J. Post, Nov. 17, 2002) that you gave for your ex-wife and two precious children (may Peace be with them) who were so brutally murdered, in their Kibbutz home, by a terrorist. It continues to haunt me.

In that eulogy you drew on an amazing inner strength as you meditated on the beauty of your last memories with them. You mulled over the natural curiosity and awe that animated little Matani and Noam as they were playing with a lizard. You emphasized the surprise that enveloped them as the lizard escaped their grip by separating himself from his tail. Finally, you recalled how the kids ran to their all-knowing mother for an explanation. Revital informed them, in perfect stride, that this was a “talent” that lizards have – to lose their tails at times of danger and then grow new ones.

Such truly precious memories!

But then came those other, ever-haunting lines:

“And now you went and left me, your tail, because I was always your tail! And I cannot grow a new life! My heart and my head and my eyes, everything has been cut off [...]

“I know why I’m not with you. Because I am the tail. Because you are the good ones and I am the bad one. Because God only wants the good ones and he leaves the bad ones here on earth! [...]

“You (Revital) were missing only one thing (…to teach the boys how to genuinely get along, which you magically did over that last week of their lives). And God said: ‘I want these people! I want these, there is no one better! This is the best they come. These will sit here at my side.’

And I stayed with nothing.”

Avi,

Something inside of me cracked when I read that! It made my heart cry so deeply with you and with all of Israel. On one hand, your faith in the fact that they had left this world precisely when their Creator wanted them resonates with the most important teachings from our holy Tradition. On the other hand, you tortured yourself with feelings of being absolutely cut off from the implication of that faith – namely, that the same One who is the Source of your soul is the Guardian of theirs; that you all will forever be connected…

I couldn’t imagine a more painful paradox.

A powerful insight soon dawned on me. I recalled that famous verse about why we are to eternally remember Amalek – mankind’s first, national terrorist: V’ yizanev b’cha [Deut.25:18]. Contextual meaning: “He ambushed you.” Literal meaning: “He made you into a tail!”

To be sure, this is not only what tragically happened to you but is the goal of every act of terrorism: To cause survivors to identify as tails!

Unbelievable coincidence, right? Well, to make matters more interesting, the very next day I heard, as if thundering through a bull-horn, the Torah-chanter read out the prayer of our patriarch, Ya’acov, regarding his impending confrontation with his brother, Esaav, the progenitor of Amalek:

“Save me, please, from my brother,
from Esaav,
lest he beat me – mother and child”
[Gen. 32:12].

It’s a famous question. Why is he praying and for whom? Hasn’t he already been assured of Divine protection [Gen. 28:13; 31:3]? If you’d say that he sees those assurances as pertaining to himself but not necessarily to his family, then why doesn’t he just pray for “mother and child,” instead of for “me – mother and child?”

The answer is that, like you, Avi, Yaacov had total faith that G-d controls who dies and when. But such faith was not enough! Our patriarch was worried about how to survive. How would he, like you have to, deal with the torture of losing his loved one’s so brutally??

So he prays. As he’s doing so, a very curious idea enters his mind. He decides to send gifts of appeasement [32: 17-20]:

"He put herd after herd
into the hands of his servants;
then he said to his servants: ‘Pass on ahead of me...’
(and inform my brother, the terrorist, as follows):
‘It is a tribute
(… from the one who is) behind us!"

Now let us ask: Why was it so important to come only at the end, and why have himself referred to like that? Could it be that he figured that the only way to appease the terrorist was to present himself as a tail?!

G-d doesn’t agree. He immediately sends a mysterious “man” to confront Ya’acov, who eventually blesses him with a new name: Yisroel. Literally this means: “He will strive towards G-d.” But the Sages of the esoteric tradition unlock a deeper meaning: The letters can be rearranged to spell Li-Rosh – “ I have a head!”

It’s an eternal message. Those who face terrorists are faced with an awesome Test. They must prove how utterly non-reptilian they are; how striving towards G-d makes all the difference; how they have been uniquely chosen to become a “complete man” [33:18].

And so it seems to me, Avi, is the blessing you received by having Chanukah come so soon after your tragedy. Though this holy day appeared, historically, at the tail end of all our other holy days, it’s the one which, according to our esoteric Tradition, draws from the highest sparks of divine Light and respectively enlightens the most Jews (it’s the most widely kept of all our holydays). Similarly, consider the deeper meaning of the legal fact that we can light Chanukah candles, in contrast to Shabbos candles, as low as three t’fachim – virtually on the ground. Isn’t that a wonderful declaration that since our head-oriented, vertical energy is so strong then, there’s very little danger of plateauing; of giving in to our lower, horizontal forces; of giving too much weight to our tails?

Perhaps this also explains why the classic game we play on Chanukah – the dreidel – has a “tail” which is positioned decidedly on the top!

The point is, dear brother, to impress you that you’re not alone. Especially at this time that Chanukah envelops us all once again, giving each Jew a new opportunity to head towards the One Above.

May G-d comfort you among the mourners of your holy nation.


~~~~~